Have you ever thought about the ways that you communicate with the people that you love? I’m not speaking specifically about verbal communication but how you communicate with your body and actions. There’s not a one-size-fits-all way to communicate love, but understanding your loved one’s love language will help you address the needs of those that mean the most to you. This applies to romantic relationships, friendships, family, and most importantly, children.
Author Gary Chapman shared his wisdom with the word in 1992 with the release of his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. The book outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls "love languages".
The 5 love languages
Acts of service
Gift-giving
Physical touch
Quality time
Words of affirmation
Why are love languages important?
Much like your attachment style, your love language develops as a child and determines how you express love and the type of love you require. When you understand your love language, you can better communicate what it is that you need to feel love, appreciation, and stability. And in return, understanding someone else’s love language can help you bolster their self-esteem and provide a healthy foundation of security and support.
It’s important to remember that your love language belongs to you and it may not determine what your loved one’s love language is. Meaning, it’s important to understand and speak the love language of your child, partner, best friend, family member - basically, anyone you love.
You might be thinking, “That’s exhausting, I don’t have time to be bilingual!” But you better believe that your relationships will flourish if you take the time and effort to love your people the right way!
Love Languages 101
Acts of service can be described as doing anything helpful or special for someone that you love.
If this is your partner’s love language, try helping them with a project.
If this is your child’s love language, offer to do something exciting for them.
If this is your friend’s love language, offer to help with errands, chores, and support when they’re going through a tough time.
Gift-giving can be described as giving thoughtful and extravagant gifts to someone that you love.
If this is your partner’s love language, try surprising them with a gift after work.
If this is your child’s love language, bring home their favorite snack from the grocery store.
If this is your friend’s love language, show up with a coffee next time you meet them.
Physical touch can be described as any physical sign of affection for someone that you love.
If this is your partner’s love language, give them a hug when they least expect it.
If this is your child’s love language, make a routine of cuddle time each night.
If this is your friend’s love language, gently touch them when they’re telling you something emotional.
Quality time can be described as spending time with someone that you love.
If this is your partner’s love language, surprise them with a night out.
If this is your child’s love language, try enjoying one of their hobbies with them.
If this is your friend’s love language, invite them to coffee or brunch.
Words of affirmation can be described as saying encouraging and uplifting words to someone that you love.
If this is your partner’s love language, remind them of something they did that made you proud of them.
If this is your child’s love language, tell them what makes them unique and special from other children.
If this is your friend’s love language, boost them up before their next job interview or presentation at work.
At the end of the day, the goal is to effectively help your people feel loved. While each person’s love language is unique, it’s common to have multiple love languages. Keep this in mind when you communicate love with your children, partner, friendships, and family.
