I have ADHD. I am open about the fact that I take medication and it has been absolutely life-changing. For a long time, my self esteem was impacted and I felt that maybe something was just wrong with me.
I was diagnosed as an adult, and my entire life started to make sense.
My husband has witnessed and endured my daily struggles to function for the last three years. It certainly has affected our relationship at times. However.. being medicated has changed our relationship for the better and helped him to start realizing what was me and what was the ADHD.
Since being diagnosed, he's really worked hard to understand how it affects me, and how he can support me.
Also fun story..on our wedding day when we were doing photos and our video.. I put down my glasses and spent the entire next day blindly searching for them. I found them on a random wood stump in the forest after spending hours panicking.
Judel has been kind enough to offer insight into some observations + tips on living with a spouse with ADHD:
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You need to have a lot of patience.
Understand that their thoughts are chaotic, disorganized and not linear. Often times, what they do makes no sense whatsoever, but it makes sense to them.
Know that you will be repeating yourself over and over and over. This includes: "take your medication." "Bring your lunch." Telling them where the keys are. (note: he would frequently leave multiple notes along a trail in the kitchen to the door reminding me to bring my lunch which was also helpful).
Know that they aren't purposely ignoring you or did not listen to you when they do not remember things such as past conversations. This is just how their brain works -- try not to take this personally.
Know that they have no patience and are very impulsive. This means buying impulsively, like a random trips without a plan, random items that you didn't need..buying a car on a whim. Adopting a dog because "today was the day." (note: to be fair, that's how Potato came into our lives and we love Potato..).
Don't ever get in a car with them unmedicated. Enter at your own risk. They become overstimulated, and cannot handle all of the stimuli on the road. This looks like braking for no reason, crashing into things, almost hitting cars, requiring complete silence so all of their focus can be on driving.
Expect to find things in random places. Somehow a full water bottle makes sense in the pantry
Watching movies or TV shows can be difficult with them. You may notice spacing out, not knowing what's going on, inability to focus on one thing (having a phone or laptop out). Plus every time she sees a movie, it's always the first time.
Expect poor sense of time and space. There may be extremely poor spacial awareness - she crashes into things and is extremely clumsy. Pouring things into containers is like the most difficult thing in the world for her.
Expect your counters to be a disaster at all times.
Trying to talk to them when they are focused is impossible. Multitasking does not go well. She does not hear me or is frustrated for breaking her thought process and disturbing her.
Organization does not look traditional. It looks like chaos to someone without ADHD.
Expect them to be easily frustrated.. but if you show frustration back, it doesn't go well.
Things will be frequently misplaced, and understand that this is very frustrating for them.
Expect constant fidgeting, and sitting still is not a thing.
Expect excessive talking. Even at early hours of the day before you're awake. Don't plan on sleeping in.
And his final word of advice for surviving marriages with an ADHD partner -- basically.. don't expect to change your partner:
Remember, you knew what you were getting into and you signed up for this.
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